Many years ago, my half-brother, Dennis, and his wife, Kelley were invited to the wedding of country singer Travis Tritt. Kelley was going but said Dennis said no.
Ribbing him, I said, “You gotta go to that!”
He abruptly replied, “No, I do not.”
And I thought who says No?! [Read more…]
When I first heard about the Clean Comedy Challenge my ears perked up. Then I found out it would be held in the middle of an Indiana cornfield, 2 hours away from civilization. Since I am on the once every 12-year vacation plan, I thought it best to stick to my motto: if traveling more than 3 hours from home, there better be waves of foam.
I want to pick up sea shells not corn husks.
Then they moved the venue a little further south to St. Pete’s beach in Florida.
Major game changer. I thought… sugar sand beaches… oceans of blue green… and COMEDY.
I am so there.
Apparently muffin top is the new norm when it comes to women’s jeans. I went to buy some and every pair was like trying on upside down bell bottoms. The lower half was a size 6, but the waist was a size 12. Huh?! I checked the label-are these maternity pants?!?!
I hate clothes shopping. I don’t have the patience for it. Nothing fits my pear shape body. And when there are very few smaller sizes to choose from it’s really frustrating.
Now I know some of you are thinking, oh boohoo, you’re skinny and you can’t find anything to wear. Okay, yes, I’d rather have this problem than how it used to be.
But still why are these jeans shaped like an open funnel?
Today I woke up so crabby I could hardly stand myself. I pulled out my spiral trying to write myself into a better mood. However, visions of incompetence, self-doubt and terror danced in my head so instead, I had a conniption fit all over the page. All I could do was cry and write, write and cry. I judged everything about my past, my present, my future. I clobbered myself with all the could-a, should-a, would-a’s: I could-a done that but didn’t…I should-a known better…If only I would-a done things different…
Then, I went straight to: no one is gonna hire you, you will never have enough money, they’ll take your house, your truck, your dogs will leave you and you’ll end up living in a box.
Topping things off with- I am so fat!